If 2020 has taught us one thing, it’s that life doesn’t always go as planned. I like to think my birth plan — or lack there of — was relatively simple. Give me the epidural. 

With my first pregnancy, my daughter Sydney, I went into the delivery room with a really open mind. I was going to attempt to labor naturally, but I also wasn’t opposed to the idea of an epidural. I quickly realized that if you’re “open” to an epidural, you’re probably going to end up getting it. It was great, and I had no regrets. I knew that I’d get one for any future births. I was convinced that women who give birth naturally must have some kind of superhuman strength that I didn’t possess. 

But Parker James had other plans.  Before I dive into this crazy birth story, let me backtrack for a moment and set the stage. 

Near the end of 2019, Mike had an opportunity for his next tour to be in California (he’s a Naval Flight Officer for those who don’t know), and we decided as a family to accept the adventure and move in early 2021. However, this move also included a deployment beforehand. One week later (the day after Syd’s 2nd birthday), we found out I was pregnant. 

It took us over a year and the help of some medication to conceive Sydney. So this pregnancy came as a complete shock, in the most joyful, amazing way. However with an upcoming deployment and cross country move, it wasn’t exactly the most ideal timing. Regardless, we knew this was the biggest blessing, and God chose this timing so we had to trust it would work out. 

Mike was supposed to do an exercise on the carrier in April for about a month, and then come home for several weeks of leave before beginning the deployment in June. 

March came around, and with it came a global pandemic, quarantine, and a whole host of other problems. Because of the mayhem, Mike had to go out to California earlier than we planned, quarantine for weeks + get COVID tested along with everyone else that would be on the carrier. That added about a month onto the time he was already scheduled to be away, and their leave got cancelled. They instead were not to come home between the carrier exercise and deployment, and just stayed at sea instead. 

With all that said, Mike had been gone for nearly 4 months by the time my due date neared. I could write a novel on all the issues that arose because of COVID, but the main one was childcare for Syd. I wasn’t allowed any guests for appointments, so every OB appointment, dentist, eye doctor, etc during the timeframe that Mike was gone, I needed a sitter for Syd.

I have an amazing support system in Virginia Beach and tons of friends and family willing to help, but finding people who were still quarantined all summer was extremely challenging. I leaned heavily on a few select people, and I’m forever grateful for those amazing family/friends. I could easily digress and go on a very long tangent thanking ALL the people who helped me during this time, but I’m trying to keep this as concise as possible.

Because Mike would be gone for the birth, I wanted my mom with me at the hospital. So that meant I needed someone to watch Syd for the few days I’d be gone. Long story short, that was a logistical mess. Lots and lots of tears were shed, and my stress level was high in the later part of the third trimester. Again, it’s not because I didn’t have many people willing to help, it was just a complication to find people who I was SURE wouldn’t risk infecting our family. My worst fears were becoming infected and not fully knowing what that means in pregnancy, having to care for Syd while single parenting and sick, and ultimately…not being able to hold Parker after delivery (this was my hospital’s protocol if I were to test COVID+). 

Thankfully, just days before my delivery, we worked out a plan with several moving parts, and my cousin Brooke, who lives locally, was “on call” to come stay at my house as soon as I needed her. 

My mom was originally supposed to come up to stay with me when I hit 39 weeks. However, when I hit 38 weeks, I was increasingly miserable. It was HOT. I was tired. I was in pain. I desperately needed help, so I asked my mom to come a little earlier than planned, on the morning of my 38 week OB appointment (also to avoid burdening my awesome friends Christina and Richard with ANOTHER week of watching Syd). 

So my mom drove up on Monday morning, July 27, when I was 38 weeks 2 days pregnant. And this is where my birth story finally begins. 

Since this wasn’t my first baby, my OB allows you to schedule an induction as early as 39 weeks IF you are 2 cm dilated by 38 weeks. This was my ultimate goal. I wanted this baby out, and scheduling a specific day helped with all the logistical stuff I mentioned before. 

I went in for my weekly appointment Monday afternoon, and I was only 1 cm dilated. I was disappointed, but I also was trusting that just like everything else up to the point, God had a plan. 

To my surprise, my doctor offered to strip my membranes. I knew about this procedure but from my little research, I had read that most doctors will not offer until you’re a little farther along. So I wasn’t expecting that this would be an option. My doc said that this was only an option because this wasn’t my first delivery. She told me that it would only work if my body was ready, and that if it did work, I’d probably go into labor in 24-48 hours. She also said that it might help my body progress to 2 cm by my next appointment so I could schedule the induction if that’s something I still wanted to do by the following week. My decision was a little impulsive, but I said, “Sure why not. Let’s try it.” 

My doctor warned that I might be uncomfortable and crampy for the next day or so, but I felt pretty normal after. My mom and I took Sydney and the dog for a walk, and my only discomfort was what I’d already been feeling for weeks. We ate dinner, put Syd to bed, and started watching the movie Instant Family. I was completely fine and normal while I was on the couch watching the movie. Around 9:45 p.m., I told my mom that I should probably go to bed since the doc had warned that I might not feel well that evening. We paused the movie, and I went upstairs to get ready for bed. 

I began washing my face and started to feel some intense cramping, and I went downstairs to tell my mom that I might be having a long, uncomfortable night. I went back upstairs to brush my teeth, and the cramps began to feel more like contractions. I texted Brooke and told her to make sure her phone wasn’t on do not disturb in case I needed her to come later that evening. I also began packing up some of my toiletries in my hospital bag just in case. 

My contractions were beginning to get extremely painful so I started to time them and realized I had had several less than 2 minutes apart. For reference, all of this had happened in about 15-20 minutes time since I had decided to go to bed. I went downstairs to grab my birthing ball to bounce on because the pain was getting extremely intense, but I never even attempted to bounce. I went into my guest bedroom, where my mom had begun getting ready for bed as well, and told her that I was pretty confident I was in active labor. I was in so much pain and having such frequent contractions that I couldn’t even focus long enough to finish my packing my bag. 

I texted Brooke again and told her I thought she should go ahead and leave to come to my house (only about 10 minutes after my first text to her). Within the next few minutes, I instinctively knew I needed to get to the hospital as soon as possible because my contractions were beginning almost as soon as one would end, and the pain was already worse than anything I had ever experienced pre-epidural with Syd. Brooke lives about 20+ minutes away, and I didn’t even think I could wait that long. I called my friends Richard and Christina, who live in my neighborhood, and Richard came over to watch Syd (who was still sleeping) until Brooke arrived. 

It was a mad dash/panic/disorganized mess to rush out of the house, and the look on my mom’s and Richard’s faces said that they were definitely concerned that I needed to leave ASAP. Poor Richard was holding like 6 bags for me while I kept remembering things I had forgotten to pack, all while having to stop frequently to breath (and moan) through my contractions…which were still coming less than 2 minutes apart. 

We finally got in the car, and Brooke was pulling in and we were pulling out. My mom was definitely looking dazed and scared, and she drove like it. She was driving so slow and cautious, and I was SCREAMING at her to speed up. I swear I felt like she was driving Miss Daisy, and my yelling only amplified her anxiety and probably made her drive even slower. She didn’t know the way to hospital, and I could barely communicate because I was in so much pain. So we were a mess. Thankfully I only live about 10 minutes away, and I swear the Lord was helping the lights turn green. 

It was excruciating walking to the labor and delivery section of the hospital. I was getting NO breaks between the contractions. I got checked in at the front desk, and they took me back to the triage area to assess me. They asked me to give a urine sample and get into my hospital gown. I tried so hard to give the sample, but I could NOT do it. The contractions were too painful and frequent, and I felt so much pressure. I gave up trying and came out to be assessed. 

They checked me and told me I was 4 cm with a “bulging sack.” She also said, “Wow he has a ton of dark hair.” I remember saying, “THIS IS ONLY A 4?” She responded, “Well in your defense, he’s really, really low.” I immediately began asking when I could get the epidural and told them I was Group B Strep Positive so I needed to begin the antibiotics as soon as possible. They said they needed to run labs and get me connected to an IV. They also needed to test me for COVID, which was required at my hospital. 

The triage room was so hot, and I was laboring in a mask. I was sweating SO much, and the nurse was having a very difficult time inserting my IV. She stuck me several times and was apologizing profusely, but I honestly couldn’t even feel it or the COVID test. The multiple IV attempts had caused me to bleed quite a lot, and so I was just a bloody, sweaty disaster. 

You could feel the sense of urgency from everyone. The nurse was dropping things, requesting extra assistance, calling ahead that they had “an active one on the way.” I think everyone in that room, including me, knew that this was going to happen fast. Through all of this, I was in the most agonizing pain of my entire life and moaning a loud sound I didn’t recognize as my own. It was truly an out of body experience. 

I finally had the forethought to tell my mom to text Mike’s boss’s wife from my phone. She has a few numbers on the carrier she can call to try to get into touch with Mike. Thankfully, she lives in California so it was 3 hours earlier her time. It was always one of my fears that it would be the middle of the night when I contacted her and that she wouldn’t get my text/call and be able to contact the ship on my behalf. 

Finally after what felt like hours, but was probably more like 30 minutes, they got my IV hooked up and told me they were taking me to the delivery room. I asked, “Am I going to have to walk there?” I was so afraid that they’d make me walk or get into a wheelchair, and I knew I couldn’t do either. They assured me they could just wheel my bed to the delivery room and then I’d just have to get myself from one bed to the other. 

This was no easy feat, and I just couldn’t decide how I wanted to labor once I got out of the triage bed. I tried leaning against my new bed, but I couldn’t manage it. I ended up crawling into the new bed and basically getting into the fetal position while holding the side rail. 

Mike was contacted on the ship right before he was supposed to fly. The timing honestly worked out perfectly…any later and he would have been unreachable for several hours. He called my mom’s phone, and she put him on speaker phone. It was about 11:30 p.m. at this time. 

I was barely speaking at all, but when I did speak, it was to ask when I could get the epidural. The nurse told me they were waiting for my lab results to come back, but then they’d do it right away. They told me the anesthesiologist on call, Jeremy, was the very best. She said that if anyone could give it to me on time, it was him. 

My mom tried comforting me and I just did NOT want to be touched. Mike tried to talk to me, and I did not want to talk. I had complete tunnel vision, and the only thing I could do was hold the railing, moan/scream through back to back contractions and ask, “WHERE IS JEREMY?” They kept assuring me he’d be there any minute.

The nurse said my labs had come back, and they wheeled in Jeremy’s cart and began setting up for the epidural. She said he was finishing with someone else, but that he’d be there any minute. 

I remember one of the nurses asking me if I thought I was going to be able to sit up long enough for him to do it. She warned me that when I sat up, I may break my water, which might intensify things even more. But again, they just kept assuring me that if anyone could do it, it was Jeremy. 

I even began asking for my anesthesiologist from Sydney’s birth by name. His name was Mike so it was easy to remember. I said, “Just bring Mike, Mike didn’t let me down.” They laughed and said while Mike was good, Jeremy was faster and was the only one capable of doing it in time. 

At this point, I said something like, “No I don’t think you understand. I feel like I need to push RIGHT NOW.” Keep in mind, this was very shortly after being checked in triage and being 4 cm, but the nurse rushed over and checked me again. She said, “Oh wow you’re at 9 cm. This baby is coming.” All of the sudden several people ran out and others ran in.

I’m pretty sure they told me to try to wait on pushing, but my body just started to take over. I started to push and broke my water, and then the pressure was excruciating. Finally, a doctor came in. I didn’t recognize her, and it turned out she wasn’t even from my OB’s practice. My on-call doctor was still in with another mother, so they just had to grab a random doctor on call. 

I’ll never forget my nurse saying to the doctor, “Do you think you’ll even get paid for this?” And she said, “Probably not, but that’s ok.” 

From the moment I entered the triage room, I had a fear and feeling that things would progress too quickly to get the epidural. As the doctor was standing there and I’d just broken my water, I had this moment of clarity where I was like…holy crap I’m going to have to deliver this baby with no pain meds. I was so scared. I teared up and started repeating, “I can’t do this. I can’t do it. I don’t want to do this naturally.” 

The nurses kept telling me, “Yes you can. You’ve done this before.” To which I replied, “NO I HAVEN’T. I couldn’t feel anything from the waist down last time.” 

As I started to push, I was screaming and a little out of control. They would say things like, “No, not like that. Don’t push like that.” But no one was really telling me what to do instead. I yelled out, “I don’t know what to do. Why is no one telling me what to do?” One nurse in particular could sense my panic, she took my mask off my face (Yes, up until this point, I’d had it on the entire time and barely noticed.) She screamed, “Look at me. You can do this. Stop screaming. Try not to make any noise and focus all your energy on bearing down.”

I couldn’t even tell you her name, but I’m so so thankful for her. She started actually explaining things. Any time she could sense I was getting a little out of control, she had an authoritative tone and would snap me out of it. It was just what I needed in those moments. Hearing, “You’ve done this before. You know what to do,” over and over again was the least encouraging thing they could say to me because this was completely foreign to me. Nothing about this experience was similar to my delivery with Sydney. 

One of the nurses said, “Ok, you’re probably going to feel the ring of fire any minute.” THE RING OF FIRE? Again, a natural birth was not my plan, and so I knew nothing about the “ring of fire.” I freaked a little at that, but my nurse said, “Honestly, you’ll probably start to feel better when you really begin making progress.” 

I’m not sure that’s true, but the sensations and pains definitely changed completely. I don’t know exactly how long I pushed, but I think I pushed through 3 contractions. I believe it was around 10 minutes. 

Parker James Demos made his quick appearance at 12:48 a.m., about 3 hours from my first contraction. I immediately began to sob. My mom cut the cord, and they placed his 6 lb. 7 oz. 19 inches on my chest.  I was in complete disbelief. I think I said, “I did it. I can’t believe I did it. He’s here.” 

I can’t imagine being on Mike’s end of things, hearing everything but not seeing it. Once I delivered, he asked, “Is he ok? Are you ok?” When he was reassured that everyone was healthy, he started crying too. It certainly wasn’t the same as having him physically present with us, but I’m so glad he got to experience it with me in some way.

I’d like to tell you it was blissful newborn cuddles from this moment out, but the thing no one tells you about the “beauty” of a natural birth is…everything that comes after the baby comes out. I still had to deliver the placenta and be stitched up from a 2nd (almost 3rd) degree tear. The stitching was horrific. My nurse let me hold her hand, and I squeezed it with all my might. It was a challenge to even gently hold Parker on my chest because I was shaking so aggressively from the pain and hormones. 

I got an hour of skin to skin and nursed my new, tiny, perfect baby boy before he was taken to the side to get weighed and checked. 

We were moved to our mother baby room, and spent 3 nights (including the night I delivered) in the hospital. Because Parker wasn’t fully treated for the Group B Strep (I needed antibiotics for at least 4 hours before I delivered), we had to stay a full 48 hours to ensure he didn’t have a fever or infection. 

We were able to bring him home Friday morning, and he met the sweetest, proudest sister of all time. Their bond has been filling my heart every moment since. 

This isn’t necessarily part of my birth story, but I think it’s worth noting. In the first week of Parker’s life, Virginia Beach was hit with the effects of a hurricane. Because of the wind, there was a tornado warning in the middle of the night. It was LOUD and scary, so my mom and I got both kids out of bed and came downstairs where we thought we’d be safer. It was a very scary hour, but thankfully our house didn’t have any damage. 

However, we lost power. Keep in mind, it was 100 degree heat indexes that week. For 33 hours, we were without electricity…or air conditioning. Thankfully, we have a generator so after some time, my mom hooked it up to our fridge and a few fans. 

I decided to sleep downstairs with Parker (the night after the tornado incident) because it was a little cooler than upstairs and the generator was still running and powering some fans. 

My mom came down at about 2 a.m. to refill the gas in the generator, and I was up nursing Parker. She said, “It smells really bad and weird down here.” She went outside to fill up the gas and went back upstairs to go back to bed. I couldn’t get her statement off my mind, and I started googling all about being poisoned from generator fumes. I got really freaked out and ran upstairs to tell my mom I wanted her to turn the generator off. She was also still up and had been googling the same things. HA. 

We decided it was safest to turn off the generator and open some windows. Problem is, I don’t have screens on my windows. I didn’t want to wake up to a house full of mosquitos, so I found 3 mosquito nets for Parker and Sydney’s stroller. My mom and I duct taped them to a few windows. I’m sure everything was probably fine, but don’t try to rationalize with a sleep deprived new mom and grandmother. 

So for 2 nights, we were up hours during the night…in addition to the time I spent awake with Parker. 

So there you have it, that’s our story. It’s messy and imperfect, just like everything in this crazy year. But despite how we got here, I’m SO thankful that Parker has officially joined our family, and I feel so lucky and blessed that I get to be a mom to my 2 amazing little people.